I think one of the hardest things a client has to do during a divorce is stay calm. Emotions are often very high during a divorce. Your case may have infidelity issues, one side always feels like they are being treated unequally, money might be tight and nearly always one side feels that what is happening is not fair. After
11 12 years of being a divorce attorney in Minnesota I’ve learned that there are a few good reasons why you need to stay calm, cool and collected in your divorce no matter what happens.
- Domestic Abuse/Anger Issues: If you yell and threaten, send cryptic and threatening emails or texts I promise that they can and will be used against you in a court of law. Don’t believe me? I had a case where there was one text that said “I won’t let you take the kids away from me!” that one text caused an order for protection to be signed and the client had to go through an anger management assessment just to show that he didn’t have a problem. What was learned here? For God’s sake, don’t TWA (Text While Angry)!
- It Saves Money To Stay Calm: If you stay calm you won’t be reacting to every email/text/phone call from your spouse by calling your lawyer! Remember nearly all reputable divorce lawyers charge by the hour. This means every phone call, every office visit, every letter and email means that you are paying for it! One great way to save money is by not calling your lawyer every time your spouse makes some sort of angry comment. (BUT if you feel you or the kids are in danger don’t hesitate call the police not your lawyer!)
- The Pulp Fiction Rule: If you recall this great movie you’ll recall the scene where Marcellus is talking to Butch before the fight where Butch is supposed to take a dive in the Fifth round and says “You feel that sting? That’s pride messing with you, you have to fight through that!” (full disclosure I did substitute the word “Messing” but this is a family blog!). If you get mad you stop thinking rationally and you let emotions like pride, anger, jealously, rage not let you get the best settlement or result in your case. So, take a deep breath, calm down, and don’t let pride or anger “mess” with you. (For a nice link on mediation head over here.)
- You Are Never REALLY Free Of Your Ex: If you have kids and you are getting a divorce you are never really “free” from you spouse. I have talked about the lack of finality in a divorce before. But it’s true, if you have children you will never be “free” from your ex. You have graduations, grand kids, weddings, funerals and celebrations together. If you get mad and say things that you can’t take back, think about how this may affect your future relationship with your ex.
The reasons I just gave aren’t secrets and I think they are pretty basic, but I can’t count how many times a person/client has made the critical mistake of getting angry at their spouse during the divorce and made these mistakes. Remember the best revenge is good living!
Information obtained in mankatofamilylaw.com may contain knowledgable content about Minnesota Family Law that may be considered beneficial to some; however, in no way should this website or its contents be considered legal advice. Mr. Kohlmeyer is a Minnesota licensed Attorney and cannot provide legal services or guidance to those outside of Minnesota. If you wish to retain Mr. Kohlmeyer as your Attorney in Your Family Law matter, contact 507-625-5000.