Why Do Divorces Take So Long?
By: Jason Kohlmeyer
Table of contents
If you’re starting a divorce in Minnesota, you’re probably wondering one thing right away: how long is this going to take?
A smooth, uncontested divorce can wrap up fairly quickly once everything is agreed to and the paperwork is in order. A contested divorce, especially one involving custody disputes, financial fights, or the need for experts, can stretch out for a long time. Sometimes it feels less like a legal process and more like a siege.
That siege feeling is real. You’re stuck in a situation you didn’t want, you can’t fully move on, and the timeline is not under your control. Even people who are confident, successful, and tough in every other area of life can get worn down by a long divorce.
This post is about two things:
- Why divorces in Minnesota can take longer than people expect
- How to mentally and financially prepare so you don’t get pressured into a bad settlement just because you’re exhausted
(As a quick aside, the longest divorce I’ve personally handled took more than 36 months. That’s not typical, but it happens.)
How long does a divorce take in Minnesota?
There isn’t one honest answer that fits every case. The timeline depends on whether you agree on the big issues and how much court involvement is needed.
Here’s a practical range that many people experience:
- Uncontested (everything agreed): often a couple months after full agreement and proper filing
- Contested (but manageable): commonly many months
- High conflict or expert heavy cases: can run well over a year, sometimes longer
- Cases with custody evaluations, temporary hearings, or trials: can take a year or two in some situations
Why the spread? Because the divorce process isn’t a single event. It’s a series of steps. And in the real world, courts schedule things when they have openings, lawyers have calendars, experts have waitlists, and people argue about everything from parenting time to who keeps the snowblower.
The factors that usually make a Minnesota divorce take longer
If you’re trying to predict your timeline, these are the common delay drivers:
- Custody and parenting time disputes
- Custody evaluations or parenting assessments
- Temporary relief motions and hearings (Child support, custody schedules, possession of the home)
- Complex finances (business ownership, non-marital claims, hidden income, complicated retirement assets)
- Discovery battles (getting documents, subpoenas, depositions)
- One spouse slow-walking the process (ignoring requests, “forgetting” documents, canceling mediation)
- Trial preparation (trials take time to schedule, and time to prepare for)
If none of those are present, the case can move faster. If several are present, buckle up.
The siege effect: why a long divorce wears people down
A long divorce is draining for reasons that have nothing to do with the law.
It’s the constant uncertainty when you ask yourself:
- Where will I live long term?
- What will my parenting schedule look like?
- Will I be able to keep the house?
- How much support will I pay or receive?
- Can I retire?
- What will happen with retirement accounts?
- Will I have enough cash to get through the next six months?
And it’s the constant friction:
- Repeated arguments that go nowhere
- New accusations that pop up right when things calm down
- “Urgent” issues that aren’t urgent but still demand time and money
- A sense that your life is on hold
When you’re in that mental state long enough, it starts to change your decision-making. People get tired. People get anxious. People start thinking short-term instead of long-term.
That’s where bad settlements come from.
The hard truth: the exhausted spouse usually loses…
Most people don’t fully appreciate the mental side of a contested divorce, especially a custody fight. I’ve seen it many times: one spouse simply cannot handle the emotional grind of months of conflict. The other spouse can. And over time, the spouse who can’t take it anymore starts making decisions based on one goal:
Make it stop. No matter what.
That’s when someone “waves the white flag” and agrees to terms they would have rejected a year earlier. They settle quickly, accept a lopsided parenting arrangement, accept an unfair financial split, or give up important issues simply to get relief from the stress.
It’s genuinely sad when it happens, because it’s avoidable. Not always, but often, if you get ready mentally for this divorce you can wear the other spouse out.
The mindset shift that helps most: plan for a long divorce
If you assume your divorce will take 18+ months, two good things happen:
- You stop panicking when the process moves slowly
- You make better choices because you’re not desperate for immediate closure and can win the long game
If your divorce finishes earlier, great. If it doesn’t, you’re not emotionally blindsided.
This is also where good legal advice matters. A good Minnesota divorce lawyer will usually be honest with you about the pace of court and the likely pinch points in your case. That’s not negativity. That’s preparation.
I’ve had folks get upset with me when I tell them I think the case will be a year to get resolved, and I get it, but the reality is you need to plan for the worst and hope for the best.
“Court time” is not real time, it’s a lot longer
Here’s a simple way to understand it:
- Small changes often take a week or more
- Bigger changes can take a month or more
- Court hearings and big decisions can take much longer depending on scheduling
People new to divorce expect the system to respond the way other industries respond. They think: “I filed something, so it should be handled next week.”
That’s not how it works.
That gap between expectation and reality is where anxiety grows. Managing that expectation is not just emotional advice. It’s strategy.
Hang in there: practical ways to survive a long Minnesota divorce
Let’s get practical. If you want to avoid settling out of exhaustion, you need two kinds of preparation:
- Mental preparation (planning)
- Financial preparation
Mental preparation (AKA planning) for a long, contested divorce
These are the habits that help clients keep their footing in long cases:
- Treat it like a project, not a daily emergency: Set specific times to deal with divorce tasks. If you let it take over every day, it will.
- Build a support team outside your lawyer: Your lawyer handles legal strategy. Your lawyer is not your therapist, your best friend, or your emotional shock absorber. Get support elsewhere, too.
- Get serious about sleep, exercise, and routine: This sounds basic, but it’s not. If you’re running on four hours of sleep and stress eating, your judgment will suffer.
- Keep communication with your spouse boring and written: If you share kids, you’ll probably need to communicate. Try to keep it short, factual, and in writing. Do not feed the conflict.
- Stop chasing fairness in every conversation: Divorce is not resolved through “finally making them understand.” It’s resolved through documents, leverage, and decisions. Venting in text messages usually becomes Exhibit 100 later.
- Don’t mistake intensity for importance: High-conflict spouses often manufacture urgency. Everything is “right now.” Learning to pause and verify is a superpower.
- Measure progress in months, not days: In a long divorce, a quiet month is often a good month.
Financial preparation for a long divorce
This is where people get hurt the fastest. As I like to say, cash flow is the name of the game here. If you can’t put gas in your car, how can you be prepared for that custody evaluator?
You need the ability to pay your normal life expenses while the divorce is pending
Do not assume your spouse is going to “be nice” or voluntarily support you during the process. You’re divorcing this person. Even decent people can get defensive and stingy in divorce. And high conflict people may use money as a weapon.
Here are practical steps that help:
- Know your monthly Budget: Write down what it realistically costs to run your life for one month.
- Build a cash buffer if you can: Even a small buffer helps you avoid panic decisions.
- Gather documents early: Tax returns, pay stubs, bank statements, retirement statements, debt statements. When documents are missing, everything slows down.
- Talk to your lawyer early about temporary support: If you need temporary orders, waiting too long can cost you. Timing matters.
What actually helps you win the “long game”
If your spouse is pushing chaos, delay, or constant conflict, your edge comes from staying steady, calm and sticking with your plan (remember from above?)
In practical terms, “steady” looks like this:
- You have realistic expectations about timing
- You keep your finances stable enough to keep fighting if needed
- You make decisions based on long-term outcomes, not short-term relief
- You document what matters and ignore what doesn’t
- You don’t negotiate from a place of exhaustion and fear
That last one is the key. The worst settlements usually come from burnout.
A final word on settlement pressure
Settlement is not automatically bad. Most Minnesota divorces settle, and settling can be smart. The question is whether you’re settling because the terms make sense, or because you’re desperate to end the stress.
If you feel yourself thinking, “I’ll agree to anything if this just ends,” that’s a warning light.
That’s the moment to pause, regroup, and get grounded again.
Estimating your Minnesota divorce timeline
The best way to get a realistic timeline is to look at the specific facts of your case:
- Are you disputing custody?
- Do you need a custody evaluation? (+4 months minimum)
- Is temporary support likely to be contested (+3 months)
- Are finances straightforward or complex (expert will be +6 months)
- Is your spouse cooperative or combative (sky’s the limit here!)
If you can answer those, you can usually predict whether you’re looking at months or something closer to a year plus.
Divorces & Sieges: Both are long and unpleasant
In Minnesota, it can take a long time to get divorced. Because of budget cuts and everything delayed you can expect it to take anywhere from 2 months if all is decided and it goes very smoothly, to well over a year or even two if you need a custody evaluation, temporary relief hearing or have a trial. As an aside my longest divorce was over 36 months.
Mentally you need to prepare for this, it’s not unlike being in a siege, you’re trapped in a castle, not able to leave, your future is uncertain and it can wear you down!
Most people don’t fully appreciate the mental aspect of a long, highly contested divorce. I’ve had clients who absolutely cannot handle a long-term custody battle and the other spouse ends up wearing them down. It’s terribly sad to see them wave the white flag of surrender, despite my best effort to tell them to hang in there just a little longer!
They normally settle the case quickly, accepting anything the other spouse is willing to give them, always a much worse deal than if they could have stuck it out.
Hang In There!
I know what you’re saying “Ok Jason, I hear you Divorces suck and can cause mental anguish! but what can I do?” Well, the key is knowing what to expect to go in to the divorce fully expecting it to take 18 months and if it gets done earlier, great! If not, well you are ready. Another thing is to be ready financially.
You need to have the ability to pay your rent, mortgage and cable bill as well as the car payment, gas, buying food, etc.. Don’t expect this guy or gal to be nice and just want to help you out…you’re divorcing them for goodness sake!
You’ll hear talk from your lawyer about court time not being real-time and it’s true, nothing gets done the next day in the divorce world (that’s a whole other blog!) instead minor changes take a week, major changes take a month to get done, and you need to be ready financially for it!
So, now you know it will take a long time and if you can mentally prepare for this while your spouse cannot, you’ll be ahead of the game.
The “Please Don’t Sue Us” Disclaimer
MankatoFamilyLaw.com provides general information about Minnesota family law. It’s meant to help, not to replace legal advice for your specific situation. Visiting this site doesn’t create an attorney client relationship.
Jason Kohlmeyer is licensed in Minnesota and can only provide legal advice for Minnesota cases and be contacted at Kohlmeyer Hagen Law
