UPDATED: Jan 2016
It Is common maxim that Family Lawyers often quote is that a divorce is just a business partnership breaking up, with the one notable difference that the partners used
to sleep together. This may help explain why the spouses seem to take terrible and untenable positions, positions that cause immense stress, emotional strain as well as costing tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees. Why?
Is It The Divorce Lawyer’s Fault?
This article was written by a divorce lawyer, and we generally don’t like to be blamed for things. However, in extremely difficult cases I feel that the majority of them cases are not so much the fault of the divorce lawyer as often as it is an unreasonable client. The reason is that divorce lawyer generally takes directions and instructions from their client, it’s true that there are some good and bad lawyers who inject their own deicisionmaking, but generally it’s the client’s decision. Then if the client insists on being horribly difficult, the lawyer will usually oblige them. Is it right? Well no, but the one thing we do not have in this country is shortage of lawyers that will engage in nasty litigation.
There are the times where one lawyer is giving bad advice, but generally speaking if one party wants to fight, they will always get a fight.
So It Must Be The Client’s Fault?
Well, not necessarily. There are the occasions where a lawyer is giving truly horrendous advice. In those rare circumstances it is the lawyers fault. If you find your self in that type of situation there are some things to be done.
- Have a plan after the divorce.
- Be firm with your lawyer and tell them what you want (see #1).
- Don’t be afraid to switch lawyers if need be.
Do All Divorces Have to Be Difficult?
No, they don’t. Even if your spouse is being difficult and won’t agree to anything, it’s still possible to use different tactics to try and coerce him or her to a reasonable settlement. A couple of tips on how to avoid having your case be a divorce case from hell:
- Be reasonable
- No name calling
- Say only good things about your soon-to-be ex in frnot of the kids
- Be realistic about property division
- Find a good divorce lawyer
- Finally, let them feel like they have won!
If It Cannot Be Avoided, Stop Trying To Avoid It.
If you’ve tried, really tried but your ex won’t be reasonable and you’re facing a trial then you need to accept the reality of your situation. I have heard it described as being similar to having cancer you have generally two options 1) aggressively treat it or 2) accept that it will kill you. The same is true of nasty divorces, you can give in to your ex-spouse or you can fight for what you need to survive and what you feel is best for the kids.