Pssst, wanna know the secret to winning in a family law case? Ready? Here it is, let the other side think they won… it’s that simple. If you let the other side think they won, that they pulled one over on you or you gave up, it often ends the conflict and settles the case! Is it bad to gloat? Well over the years I have had clients or opposing clients do and say silly things that come back to bite them. Don’t go and parade your new Corvette In front of your ex-spouse or brag to the kids how much better your new spouse is than “mom” or ( and this one is my favorite) after the case call your ex and brag you hid a bank account at TCF, haha!
Each one of those is an actual story, that either my client or the opposing client did in a case. Let me tell you how each one of those stories ended, the Corvette story resulted in my client going to court and modifying child support and getting a few hundred dollars more per month that she would not have received had he wanted to show off his new car. The bragging about the new spouse caused my client to be dragged back Into court for a very long and costly custody badly that probably could have been avoided if he had not wanted to rub it in. Finally, the hidden bank account caused my client have her divorce case reopened based on fraud. Everything could be prevented in those cases if only the person thought a little and kept the secret in mind. Don’t brag or gloat and let the other side think they won!
I go back to my favorite movie and the line “…feel that? That’s pride messing* with you” And that is indeed what it is. If you like to pay lawyers and cause many, many hours wasted in court, getting ready to go to court and hanging out in your lawyers office the by all means rub it in, gloat, call and tell how you pulled one over on your spouse. But, if you’d rather save the money and headache, let them think they won.
I know, your thinking, but he or she has been controlling our marriage the whole time and you are done putting up with it, I hear you, I really do, but I can’t imagine how not following my secret will get you what you want in terms of gaining control in the relationship. The marriage and/or relationship is dead, over, fini. Move on.
So when you are about to make that call, or send that email that says ” Aha! I won!” Think about your lawyer and ask yourself do you really want to buy your lawyer a new convertible?
*Roko Law is a family law blog that tries to avoid dropping the F-Bomb… except when necessary.
Any questions feel free to to email me at email@example.com
Rosengren Kohlmeyer, law Office Chtd.